perspective (or lack of)

it seems a complete lack of fucking perspective is de rigeur and quite trendy among developers today. actually, this extends beyond developers to almost all involved in the tech industry. like laziness, it is a trait that is found in tremendous quantities. how the fuck have we got here? where the fuck does it come from? i don't know for sure, but i'll go out on a limb and venture a few guesses:

• just regular fucking cluelessness
• ignorance
• an over-inflated sense of self-importance (in addition to individuals this also applies to movements or sub-cultures)
• a sense of arrogance that is usually only reserved for ultra-conservative, right wing, god-fearing, fundamentalist politicians
• not listening (oh man...on this point, programmers beat anyone...hands down)

these are just a few to get us warmed up.

ok, to start with, we have just about everybody's favorite whipping boys...the open source advocates! oh man...are these guys just insanely gluttonous for punishment? are they trying to make themselves such easy targets? do they enjoy spreading wide and getting the business end of an industrial strength dry/wet vac rammed up their ass? these guys are such boobs, i can't even take myself seriously anymore when writing about them.

a couple of weeks ago (prior to the holidays) i was very non-chalantly surfing the web, minding my own business, when it hit me...WHAM!!! right there in black and white was this (paraphrased)

...and here's another great holiday gift idea...burn your favorite linux distro onto a home made "best of" open-source CD and pass it out to your friends and loved ones...

i had to read this a couple of times...i thought, "you gotta be kidding me... is this some kind of fucking sick joke?" after about 30 minutes or so of non-stop laughter and wanting to send a congratulatory email to the sick fuck who thought up something this funny, i started to realize that this was not a joke. i started seeing this little "gift idea" on other web sites as well. "holy shit...they're really serious about this.", i was thinking.

actually i was thinking that this might be the open source movement's last ditch attempt to steal the desktop from windows...you know...they've tried every kind of conventional marketing technique, hell, they even give this stuff away! i really want to meet the wankmaster that was thinking way, way outside the box on that day. i can hear him now..."i've got it!!! it's soooo obvious!! we can increase our desktop share by going on a holiday stocking stuffer campaign!!!

oh my fucking god! can you imagine the fucking disastrous/hilarious consequences of this little holiday stocking stuffer??

hilarity aside (and the fact that the OSS movement is now using AOL as a role-model...remember their CD blitzes?), i couldn't think of a better gift that shows both a lack of perspective and unusually strong arrogance on behalf of the giver. this kind of thing is right up there with religious evangelists, pro-lifers, and fucking vegans (uhhh...the worst). this kind of thing is really starting to annoy me. don't these fucking people get it?? since they apparently do not, let me explain it to them in a fairly straight-ahead easy to understand manner...

nobody gives a shit...

i know that sounds unusually cruel, but get over it you preachy, holier-than-thou, arrogant buffoon. that's just the reality of it. the bottom line is that nobody outside of the tech industry really fucking cares about things like linux, open source, the evil microsoft hegemony, etc, etc...i know how tough it is realizing that the 99% of the planet couldn't give a shit about the things you hold nearest and dearest, but that's how it is. no big deal...you can stop losing sleep over it...

oh...by the way, this also applies to what is the oss's latest hope, firefox. while i'm very, very proud of them putting that nice little ad in the new york times, i just can't help feeling sorry for them. despite the fact that firefox is probably the best browser out there right now. i just love how people in the tech industry are talking about a "heating up of the browser war again", or any other related phrase those moronic, clueless, side-splittingly hilarious idiots who call themselves columnists in any ziff-davis owned publishing organization spew out on a weekly basis. yeah...the pundits are right on target with this one. maybe it's just me. maybe i'm the one is terribly fucking confused. i mean, no matter who i talk to outside of the tech industry (which has been quite a lot of people), they have never heard about this thing called "firefox", let alone the whole concept of a "browser war..."

blogs, bloggers, blogosphere...
as bad as the open source zealots are, these fuckers just take the cake. "oh i got it!!...i'm going to single-handedly change the world with my on-line diary!!!" ok, bub...i'm sure that you and your 4 readers are really going to make a difference...but keep trying...it's really cute.

you know, back before when there were only on-line journals or diaries, there was basically no delusions about the whole thing. whether it was a well-known developer sharing programming tips,  an angry, pseudo-intellectual, starbucks drinking, existentialist wanna-be, indy rock listening, chronically masterbating, art college student, a future film critic in the making, or the latest thoughts from one of our favorite porn stars, there was no fooling ourselves. aside from the massive ego involved in writing anything on-line and assuming anybody would want to read your pathetic thoughts (or mine for that matter), it was just that. nobody had any delusions of grandeur. nobody took themselves too seriously...there was still some sense of perspective.

however...

a while ago somebody, somewhere decided that the concept of a journal or a diary just wasn't cutting it. their thoughts were so important, so huge, they needed to invent a special word to describe their collection of them. before you know it...BAM...weblogs were born. it took all of 4 seconds to shorten that to the most feared and dreaded piece of lingo ever conceived....blog. i'm sure you know, it justs gets worse from there. now we have "blogger conferences", "blogger dinners", "blogger insert-moronic-concept here." oh yeah, and my personal favorite...the blogosphere. this shit is hilarious...and completely out of fucking control. ok, let's get a few things straight here, people:

• stop taking yourselves so seriously. please. it's just so fucking embarrassing. anybody that has ever lost sleep over something they have blogged has some serious issues. anybody that has gotten personally offended from something they have read in a blog has some issues. shit if i had a dime for everybody i've offended, i'd be one rich bastard. please people...go out and live life...stop getting so goddamn upset, angry, or apologetic about things written about or responded to in your on-line diary.
• contrary to popular belief, being a blogger does not make you part of some ultra-cool, underground, elite, technical cult of uber-geeks. if you were a dork before...well...i hate to break it to you, but...you're still a dork.
• being a blogger does not make you a professional pundit/journalist/critic/tech-writer/whatever. you weren't one before, and having a blog will not make you one now. for the record, you aren't going to put msnbc, cnn.com, slate, salon, or roger ebert out of business.

ok...the next time your spewing your next diary entry, please remember...it's just not that important. there's a reason why the words diary and diarrhea are very similar sounding.

microsoft
microsoft, microsoft, microsoft. like your open source foes, you lack just as much or even more perspective. with all your bloggers, evangelists, software legends, mvp summits, spot watches, media center devices, infopath, etc, etc...have you forgotten the fact that your goal should probably be to write and release reliable, secure, relatively bug-free software?? let's see here...

• reading about how one of your employee's is having a fantastic vacation in some exotic locale on his blog isn't going change just how much of a goddamned resource pig vs.net 2003 is (or help me make it any faster).
• tell you what...instead of coming up with something like infopath, why don't you get excel and word to work properly for fuck's sake? this would also include the idea of not adding anymore features to them, and just getting the ones you already have to just fucking work right.
• here's another hard to believe idea...there is plenty of active development with legacy technologies. as much as you would like to believe the entire world is using the ctp versions of vs.net 2005, sql 2005, and the .net framework 2.0 to do all of their enterprise (or any other kind of) development...that's just not the case. that also isn't going to change anytime soon. most software written with your tools is being written with vc++ 6.0, vb 6.0, and the .net framework 1.0 (1.1).  i know it's hard to believe, but the internet will survive without the asp.net 2.0 personalization and membership components.
• it would also be nice of you to please stop spamming my inbox with email on such engaging, timely, relevant and thoughtful topics like windows vs. linux...the real TCO, how open source is going to be the downfall of civilization as we know it, or that hotfix number 2, 345, 234 has finally been released of internet explorer. i use your products to make a very nice living, and i'm not abandoning them anytime soon.
• i know you have some pretty fucking bright people working for you, so why, oh dear god why is the technical content on msdn written to cater for the romper room set? do you really think we have the iq of barney?? you realize it's professional developers that are reading that shit right? jesus fucking christ...believe it or not this shit is fucking important. actually tell you what...why don't you focus on moronic, dipshit diarrhea like "the code room pilot", while a fucking search engine becomes the ultimate resource for all things microsoft.

man, the list just goes on...and on...and on. as soon as you get a whiff of some moronic, half-baked programming fad, you shouldn't feel need jump right on the fucking bandwagon and go fucking apeshit. trust me, visual studio doesn't need any new wizards or designers. microsoft, i love ya like a brother, but you just need to chill the fuck out and start refocusing...

unfortunately there are just too many assinine aspects of our industry that have a lack of perspective. i mean...what about java?? shit..i think their entire community is worse than any of the above offenders (and truth be told their lack of perspective could fill a goddamned book). there is also the whole lack of perspective in software architecture as well. however, this post has gotten long enough, and if you've made it this far...well, i congratulate you on be a completely fucking S&M freak...

since around september you might have noticed (if you would even give a shit), that i've been relatively quiet. you know why...?? because after getting married and going on my honeymoon, my moronic, over-glorified diary was just not a priority. having a shitload of hot, passionate, steamy sex with my ridiculously gorgeous, beautiful, hot, sexy wife was.(god,  imagine that...). there are more important things than sitting in front of a computer and having a wankfest with my "blog." it's all about putting shit into some perspective...

(ok, here come some gratuitous thank yous)
i'd like to thank andy who really understands this.
i'd like to thank bill for his warm welcome-back
and...
everybody make sure to stop by and congratulate peter on his new venture...congrats!!

Comments

[thomas woelfer]

Phil,

so, you're still kicking. great. :-)

WM_THX
thomas woelfer

[Scott C. Reynolds]

ROFL! (especially @Java)

Well Phil I don't give a shit if you got perspective or not (although the steamy hot wife sex helps I'm sure), I'm just happy to see another world class rant. Glad to wait another couple months for the next one if need be.

[causticPhil]

thanks guys...

[Bill]

You just keep getting better and better.

[Andy]

" * i know you have some pretty fucking bright people working for you, so why, oh dear god why is the technical content on msdn written to cater for the romper room set? do you really think we have the iq of barney?? you realize it's professional developers that are reading that shit right? jesus fucking christ...believe it or not this shit is fucking important. actually tell you what...why don't you focus on moronic, dipshit diarrhea like "the code room pilot", while a fucking search engine becomes the ultimate resource for all things microsoft.

man, the list just goes on...and on...and on. as soon as you get a whiff of some moronic, half-baked programming fad, you shouldn't feel need jump right on the fucking bandwagon and go fucking apeshit. trust me, visual studio doesn't need any new wizards or designers. microsoft, i love ya like a brother, but you just need to chill the fuck out and start refocusing..." - Caustic Phil

Dude those are some words to live by!!!! When 90% of the world is running Windows 2000, 98se and devloping in VS6 or Borland the last thing we need is another class Wizard for VS2005.

Every time I think about sh!t like this I wish they would put people like Raymond Chen in charge of the direction and focus of Microsoft. People who are truly commited to making sh!t work right and not the next shiny object until the current objects work like they should. Innovators not salesmen and marketing dorks.

You put sales people in charge of Microsoft and you get exactly what you have now giant blocks of technology and shiny objects that most of the world could give a flying f#ck about.

Developer evangelists they call them. WTF PEOPLE!!! Have you gone mad!!!! The last thing I want is some 25 year year old script kiddy trying to tell me that 48 ancronyms ( that have meanings so vauge nobody can agree on what they mean ) are the wave of the future and we'd better learn them now or perish.

I just want to scream at them shut the f#ck up evange-what-the-f#ck-ever it's great you can drag and drop controls and copy code off the internet but I want substance and this new cr@p just doesn't cut the mustard.

Go home pull a Steve Jobs and come back with better technology then I will listen to you. Do not give me eye candy and try and put animations in my dev environment and tell me it's an upgrade to nirvana. It's not it's worthless.

If I can write my code in Ultraedit and compile with a command line tool and still churn out apps that don't break and compensate for your sh!tty bugs then you have not given me a reason to upgrade. Give me a reason that I can see and say I cannot live without and I will upgrade.

And the fact that Google is a better search engine for the actual stuff that matters on your knowlege base is just flat f#cking sad.

[Frans Bouma]

LOL :) Great great article! :) I fully agree, a lot of 'elements' in the IT-world as a whole need a reset of their perspective and re-focus.

Especially Microsoft. Every time I have to contact them, it seems as if there work just 5 people, because they're always under-staffed.

[paul]

Got to admit writing a blog is cheaper then going to a Shrink, now don’t you feel better after that cathartic ramble down the digital road?

[Alex]

BRAVO! I am new fan now. :)

[skicow]

Thanks for that Phil, I was having a crappy day until I started up SharpReader and read this post! :)

[Matt Selnekovic]

Interesting post (and I do agree with many of the points), but aren't you guilty of the old saying "pot calling the kettle black"? You rail against blogs... with a blog post. Why is your blog any better than anybody else's? I think you are just as guilty as any other blogger of pseudointellectualism; I mean, you drop tons of swearing just to make your point seem louder. Overall, several good points.

[-b-]

Do you have a fucking problem with capitalizing the beginning of a sentence?

[dog news]

ha ha hah ... I never laughed so hard at:
"ok...the next time your spewing your next diary entry, please remember...it's just not that important. there's a reason why the words diary and diarrhea are very similar sounding..."

Sounds like we need to buy ourselves some diapers from:
Flat-D (solves flatulence with charcoal diapers)
http://www.flat-d.com/

so glad you 'wanked' around with your blog!

[PUTITINTHECURRY]

Hey CT -
Give up and let your gorgeous wife do the blogging. You may get a larger audience of readers and may be something more..

[bmo]

lighten the fuck up.

[daveg]

You're A-List now, fucker.

[Jason Beaudreau]

I don't agree with everything you said, but I appreciate the direct way you say it. Keep the venom flowin' brother!

Phil, go get laid... for the first time, perhaps.

[**B**]

I know your wife... man she is one hot piece of ass.

[fx]

How come you think people are wanking off reading your blog? Sudden increase in self-confidence since you started "blogging"?

[Joe Stagner]

Phil,

You said....

"The last thing I want is some 25 year year old script kiddy trying to tell me that 48 ancronyms ( that have meanings so vauge nobody can agree on what they mean ) are the wave of the future and we'd better learn them now or perish."

I'm a "Developer Evangelist" at Microsoft (though I'm not fond of the title).

I'm 44years old - got my first PAID computing gig 30 years ago (yup 14 years old) and have done everything from raw machine instruction programming to fluffy VB multi-media programming, distributed architecture design, project management, performance & security consulting, blah blah blah.

After building, running, and selling a successful technology company in Mid-town New York - I came to Microsoft to have some fun.

..... Just wanted you to know that every "Evangelist" at Microsoft is not under 30 and "light" on real world industry experience.

Keep having fun !
Joe

[wes]

you're funny.

and your "online journal" kicks ass. nice!

wes

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